What Happens? (ES)

The Catechism of the Catholic Church lists "Fear of the Lord" or "Wonder and Awe of God" as one of the seven gifts of the Holy Spirit. I first learned of this shortly before my Confirmation, and I can honestly say that the fear, and wonder, and awe have been hitting me less and less since then. Perhaps it's because I don't go to Church as often as I should. Or maybe it's because the wonder and awe that the Church had taught me to reserve for God, was being reserved for the God that the Church had taught me to believe in.


My understanding of God has evolved tremendously over the years, and the more I try to reconcile what I was taught to believe in with what I actually believe, the more frustrated I become –hence the falling out with the Church. However, recently it dawned on me that my current understanding of God is not incompatible with the religious teaching I had received. As I have broadened my understandings of existence and faith and ignorance and fear, so too have I broadened my belief in a "God" that surpasses comprehension. Thus, a revival of Wonder + Awe peeking around every corner and guiding me as I wander into greater appreciation for seemingly trivial things.


Most recently, I have developed a new appreciation for technology and the existence of a newer digital world that seems to be in competition with an older analog world. I think about the integration of the physical world, that one walks and breathes in, into a virtual world, that one typically only plays with from the surface. This is where the wonder + awe come in.


Each day I pack my bag with my notebook and laptop, while my pockets hold cash and credit cards, a pen and my phone.


My concern is not with nostalgia –for that era when the laptop, credit cards, and phone were things of the future. My concern is with the ritual of balancing my daily cargo with tools that bring the world to my finger tips and tools that never run out of batteries, or get declined, or don't have service. My pause is in wondering which of these tools are more reliable than the others, and which of these tools have I come to rely on too heavily.


I have spilled coffee on my notebook.
My laptop has crashed.
I have lost my wallet.
My credit cards have been frozen.
I have run out of ink.
My phone has died.


No tool is without its weaknesses, be it analog or digital. The awe is in realizing that with the passage of time, I rely more and more heavily on the digital world as it becomes increasingly convenient, reliable, and remarkably powerful. Yet, I am at the mercy of forces beyond myself to make sure that this digital world remains in tact. As technology advances and integrates greater convenience into my life, I find myself paying less attention to where this technology is coming from and simply adopt it into my life. The wonder is in realizing how little I know, as more information becomes available.


There is a subconscious conversation taking place between humanity and our creation, and I wonder if that conversation isn't wrought with divinity. I wonder what the future holds as the loop of influence between creator and creation spins faster and faster.