Courtland Thomas – Objectivity Project (10/7)

For my senior thesis exhibition two years ago, I chose the theme human being.

My interest first peaked when I learned the fundamental difference in 'being' in Spanish – ser (to be, permanently) and estar (to be, temporarily). Henceforth, I was captivated by the idea of answering the question: "what does it mean to be?" and even further, "what does it mean to be human?"

In answering this question, I took approaches to the internal and external capabilities and processes of humans: me, my peers, my elders. (At the time, I did not understand that entities are as strongly defined by the things they are not as by what they are; so I did not think to uncover what it means to be not be a human.) But in this 22-month odyssey, one of my favorite studies was the intersection between the internal and external.

The human being is tied, in a physical and metaphorical sense, to the human body. On the inside, the human figure is such a biological Ford-Motors-machine-factory, complete with emotional and protein breakdowns, that the chaotic mess of spontaneity we call our external is almost boring. (Almost.)

Both of these worlds play on one another; the internal reflects the external and reverse. Fatigue and sleepiness are associated with hazy eyes and unshaven 3 o'clock shadow (so à la Columbia student); orgasm is linked with a face of extreme pleasure.

One artwork in my exhibition is similar to the final photo above: a black-and-white self-portrait, with darkened shadows on various parts of my figure. My exhibit piece had a heavier hand in emotion – my face was saddened, lips parted, head cocked slightly to the side, which conveyed a deeper sadness that went hand-in-hand with the physical injuries I created via Photoshop.

The series above documents the change of one raw photo, to what I call the "magazine-cover" photo, to the photo similar to my exhibition. Not far from my exhibit piece, the piece attempts to uncover the relationship between the internal and external. However, unlike its fore father, this piece documents the disillusion Columbia students (and, quite frankly, all students, regardless of attendance) position between the internal and external worlds: often tired, stressed, and even depressed, Columbia students are known for their happiness, 'okayness,' and otherwise pleasant façade. It's norm for students to complain about the amount of work they have, but it becomes taboo for a student to publicly discuss the fear they have for post-grad life; their unwillingness to move eagerly in the status quo towards Wall Street; their unsatisifcation with the campus, the Core, or even New York.