I used to dream of living at the Met, sleeping in the period rooms at night and eating cupcakes on the steps by day. I have since settled for knowing my way around it, finding new shortcuts and hiding places where you can stay a while and pretend you belong. One of my most coveted objects is one of the largest in the collection, the most permanent. It would be hard to move. At 115 x 84 1/8 inches, it's so big that if it was in my living room, I'd be living in a 19th century luxurious home, hanging out with these lounging ladies. It would become a stage set. I want it.
Since it's too big to forge (and I can't paint that well) I decide to steal it. Dressed as a promising and pretentious British curator I would convince the met to sign my papers for an important London art fair. With my papers, dressed in overalls, I would stay after hours with my team, dismantle it, fold it and hide it in the Japanese galleries. Take a nap. At the dead of night, we walk out. The painting would be folded, so it could be anything inside. Back in my dorm, I move all the furniture to the common room and remain alone with the painting. it is too big for my room so I have it at an angle. I curl up in the corner it makes with the wall and sleep soundly, dreaming of having such fabulous dresses.
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